Five

It took me a few days to get back to feeling like myself.  My mom and dad were patient even though that meant a halt on the activities for the family.   I know my father was especially unhappy about my lack of presence.  My sisters were the most unhappy though because they had to make up my share of the chores in the house and being the oldest I had a lot of responsibility. 

I had the same dream over and over about the field with the man collapsing.  Each time the water became brighter and more colorful.  I wondered what it could mean.

The closet door in my room seemed to open and close constantly.  It reminded me of the dream with Sarah taking me down to the basement through the secret passageway.  I looked and looked, but there was no passageway.

We had lived in this house for only about two weeks and my mom had woken up my sisters or myself almost every night claiming she heard one of us crying.  I only partially believed that she heard it, she often felt a little smothering as a parent.

“Your father and I are going out for the evening tonight.  I want you to babysit your sisters while we are gone.”  My mom told me one afternoon when all the work in the house was finished.

“Mo-om!  We’re old enough to watch ourselves!”  Deanna exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Betty chimed in.

“Ok, we won’t call it ‘babysitting’”  Mom said to them, “but I want you to respect your sister if she says something because in an emergency she is in charge.”

“Aww.”  They both whined about her response and left the room. 

If I had cared much to be a part of their playtime I might have felt left out the way they always stuck together.  I just never felt like spending a lot of time with them.  They would laugh at things I said, and give me funny looks when I tried to tell them something.  My sisters were never interested in the things I wanted to talk about and do.  They liked dressing up and reading magazines about TV and fashion.  I preferred books and studying things.  Some days I would sit in my window and ponder the meaning of life.  I suppose to them that was strange.

“Don’t get too bossy with them Sam, ok?”  I knew mom really trusted me because she never left my sisters alone without me there.

“I know mom, they think they are on their own, but I still have to protect them just in case.”

“Exactly.  Don’t let them answer the door to strangers or play on the stove.”

“I know mom.”

After mom and dad had left for their evening out, I made some sandwiches for us to eat and we agreed to have them as a picnic upstairs.  I decided to play along with them for once just to be nice.  We laid a blanket on the floor in their room and set up our dinner to enjoy.  My sisters thought it was fun since we weren’t allowed to have food in our rooms.  We chewed our food quietly for most of the meal.  Then I got an idea.

“I know a game we can play.” I told Betty and Deanna.

“What?” They said in unison with their eyes widening.

“Let’s play ghost!”

“Ok. How does it go?”

“One person plays spooky music on the piano and the other two make spooky sounds and creep around upstairs.  Then we try to scare each other.  Kind of like hide-and-seek only with ghosts.”

“That sounds fun.” Deanna said.

“Yeah, who goes first on the piano?” Betty asked.

“You can.” I told her. “De and I will hide and make spooky noises and lets see who scares who the most!”

“Ok!”

We grabbed our picnic plates and put them in the sink so our dad didn’t yell at us when he got home.  Then Betty started playing music on the piano that sounded scary.   Deanna and I went upstairs and hid in the attic room pretending to cry like mom always had claimed she heard.  We left the light off so it was very dark.  Deanna held onto my arm tightly as we moaned and howled out to our little sister like we were disembodied spirits. 

After Betty played a few more notes she came upstairs calling out to us.

“Is anybody there?”  She said as she climbed up the staircase.  “Hello?”  She paused in front of the attic where Deanna and I were trying not to giggle.  “Hello!” Betty called out again.  “Hmm.” She said, “I guess I am hearing things.”  She pretended to go down the stairs a few steps.  Deanna let out a giggle.  Then the attic door swung open hard from Betty finding us.

“Caught you!”  Betty shouted with laughter.

“Me next.”  Deanna giggled.

“Ok, you go start playing and we’ll hide.” I told her

This time I suggested to Betty we hide in the crawl space.  She agreed.  We crawled in through the small doorway and started moaning and wailing like ghosts.  Deanna came up the stairs as Betty had calling out like she didn’t know what was making the noises.  When she got to the top of the stairs we quieted down and waited to be found.  She walked down the hallway and looked in the rooms.  She checked the attic and then our closets.  Suddenly she screamed out loudly.

Betty and I hurried out of our hiding space to see what was wrong and there stood Deanna laughing at us. 

“Caught you!”  She had played a good trick.

“Ok, my turn.”  I told them.  “Make it a good hiding spot for me ok?”  The both nodded their eyes wide with excitement.

I went down to the spare room where my parents had set up the piano and started to play the spookiest music I could think of.  After a few moments I heard a sound like crying and moaning and went to find where my sisters had hidden.

As I stepped up the stairwell I paid attention to where any of their moans might have been.  I couldn’t tell whether it was in a room or a closet.  As I neared the top I noticed the curtains were rustling as if someone had just been playing with them.  Then I looked at the attic door and saw a light shining through the cracks under the door.  I wondered if they realized that I could see the light and opened it as suddenly as I could.  There wasn’t anyone in the room.  Just the boxes my parents had left and the axe on the floor near the newer floorboards.  I stood in the doorway of the attic room, looked down the hallway and strained my ears to hear them.  I heard a shuffle in the attic room behind me and turned to see what it was.  The only thing that seemed strange was the location of the axe seemed to be a foot or so from where I thought I had noticed it a moment ago.

I walked down the hallway leaving the door open to the attic room so they couldn’t hide in there after I had left.  I thought I heard some movement in my room so I tiptoed down towards the open doorway.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw the image I had seen in my dream in my sister’s room.  The lady holding my sister by the hair.  I turned my head to get a better look and the image disappeared; just my overactive imagination.  I continued to my room. 

As I entered my bedroom, I noticed my closet door was rattling a bit.  My heart started pounding from the excitement of the game, I was sure I had just found them.  I pulled open the door and looked into the darkness.  Nothing but my closet and clothes were in front of me.  I turned to continue looking for them and felt a pair of hands on my chest pushing me hard into the closet.  I didn’t see anyone doing it, I only felt the hands.  I fell into the back wall of my closet with a loud crashing sound like I had broken the wall.  The closet door slammed shut on me and I was alone in the darkness with the breath knocked out of me.

Remembering the time when I had knocked the wind out playing on a chair as a small child and how my mother showed me to fix it I knew what to do.  I put my head between my legs and breathed slowly until I felt better.  It was quite a task to make it happen with my heart beating so hard it felt like it was in my throat and I could still feel the hands on my chest that I hadn’t seen as if they had left their imprint on my body.  Once I regained my breathing and could stand up straight I felt around for the handle of the door.  I found it and attempted to turn the knob.  It didn’t move even a little.  I rattled the knob and pushed on the door.  I couldn’t get it to open at all.  I started feeling a little panic and called out to my sisters.

“Betty!  Deanna!”  I shouted to them.  “Help!”  I screamed it over and over again until tears were in my eyes.  I kept pushing and pounding on the door trying to turn the knob and it wouldn’t turn.

Finally I felt the door give way as I pushed on it and my sisters were standing behind the door gaping at me as if I were crazy.

“What happened?”  Betty asked me.

“I don’t know, something pushed me and locked me in!”  I cried out to them trying to catch my breath from the tears I had shed.

“The door wasn’t locked.  See?”  Deanna showed me the handle moving freely. 

I examined the handle on the door and realized there wasn’t even a place to lock it.

“Are you ok?”  Betty asked.

“I don’t know,” I told her, “my chest hurts like someone hit me, I got the wind knocked out of me too.”  I sat down on my bed and lifted my t-shirt to see if there were marks on me.

Betty and Deanna gasped loudly at what we all saw.  Two red handprints right where I had felt the hands pushing me stood visibly out on my skin.

“Let’s not play this anymore.”  Betty said

“Agreed.” I said.  Deanna just nodded her head looking at me with real fear in her eyes.

We went down to the living room to watch tv for the rest of the evening.  Deanna was tired first and went to bed.  Betty took a bath and went to bed next.  I was left alone in the living room not wanting to go back to my room.  When the shows were over I pulled out a book to read while I waited for my parents to get home.  It seemed like hours I sat there reading until I heard something.  It sounded like one of my sisters were crying above me.  I rolled my eyes thinking they were trying to scare me again.  I really didn’t want to go back upstairs yet, but the crying seemed so sad like someone was really hurt.  Finally after several minutes of trying to ignore it I decided to brave the upper level of our home for the sake of protecting my sister, whichever one was having the problem.

As I crept up the stairs slowly I noticed the curtains blowing above me at the top.  At first it looked like someone was under them.  I opened my mouth to say something about it and realized my eyes were playing tricks on me, they were just blowing from some wind.  At the third step from the top the crying stopped and the curtains fell flat.  I looked at the window and realized that it was closed.  That frightened me tonight so much more than it ever did in my dreams.  I rubbed my eyes thinking I was seeing things.  I checked the window, it was locked and closed as I saw.  I tested the lock.  The window stayed shut.  Then I remembered how I had heard the crying and quickly stepped into my sisters’ room.  They were both in their beds looking asleep. 

“Who is crying?”  I said out loud.

They didn’t reply.

“Hey,” I said a little louder. “Why are you crying?”

Betty stirred in her bed. 

“Are you guys messing with me?  It isn’t funny!”

Still they said nothing so I went back down to my book.  A little while later the same thing happened.  I heard someone crying, I went to check it out, but when I got there they both lay in bed as if they were sound asleep.  I decided to make sure they were asleep.  First I started with Betty since she was the one moving around last time.  I tapped her shoulder and shook her a little.

“Hey,”  I put my hand under her nose.  I cold feel her breathing slowly.  “hey,” I said louder.  She jumped a little in the bed and opened her eyes.

“What?”  she asked me.

“Were you crying?” I looked at her seriously.  “I don’t think it’s funny.”

“You sound like mom.”  She told me.  I thought about all the nights mom had woken me the same way.  I decided to just let Deanna sleep and went back downstairs.  I opened my book and a few moments later I was involved in the story I was reading.

Suddenly I heard a door rattling.  I wasn’t sure which one, it sounded like it was coming from my parents bedroom.  I started to scream and realized my mother and father were standing in the living room looking at me.  I covered my mouth with my hand and stopped the scream mostly.

“What are you doing!” my father more demanded than asked me.

“You scared me.” 

“You should be in bed!”  He said crossly.  “What are you still doing up!” 

I wasn’t sure if he really wanted an answer so I hesitated a moment.  Mom came to me and put her arm around me guiding me towards the back of the house.

“I’ll get her to bed.”  She told him.

As she escorted me upstairs she could tell I was reluctant to go.

“What’s wrong honey?”  She rubbed my back still pushing me forward.

“I just had a weird night mom.”  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her about all of it, partially because I thought she might be disappointed at our rough housing, partially because I wasn’t sure she would believe me.

She guided me down the hallway and into my room.  I sat on my bed as she got out my pajamas looking at my closed closet door.  She told me to undress and  put the pajama’s on as she set them beside me on the bed.  I started to obey and she moved towards the door and stopped and looked back at me startled.

“What happened to you this time?”  She asked me looking closer at my chest.

I wasn’t sure what to tell her or how.

“Did one of your sisters do this to you?”

I looked at my closet door shaking my head no.

“Speak to me Sam, what happened.”

I broke down and started to cry as I explained our events of the evening.  Mom sat in my chair and listened with fear on her face.  She waited a long while after I finished before she said anything.

“Tell you what,  I will sit here with you until you go to sleep, ok?”  She offered.

I nodded.  She tucked me in, this time I didn’t object or feel babied at all.  I was so grateful. 

“Do you want me to read to you?”  She asked.

“Could it be poetry?”  I responded with my request.  “I don’t think anything exciting would be good tonight.”

She smiled and let out a small chuckle.

“Of course.”  She said to me reaching for my Emily Dickenson book.

It took several poems before I finally dozed off.

My dreams were inconsistent images and colors, nothing connecting to each other when I woke in the night to a booming.  At first I thought it was like the pounding I had heard previously in a dream, but then after the pitter-pattering on my window I realized it was only thunder.  I listened to the rain until I dozed off again.